EBGTZ’s Guide for Trusted Adults

Research shows that young people who are surrounded by strong relationships are more likely to thrive in life. Search Institute found that developmental relationships (such as mentoring) can help young people discover who they are, develop the ability to shape their own lives, and learn how to engage with and contribute to the world around them. 

“Acknowledging a young person’s opinion as valid, even if you don’t think it is “right,” shows respect. As a result, you model tolerance and being nonjudgmental.” – Search Institute: 7 Tips for Conversations with Young People 

“Authentic engagement with young people starts with openness. Share about yourself, including your challenges, and talk openly and honestly. Paying attention, putting away your cell phone, remembering small and not-so-small details of a young person’s world are important ways to express care and intentionally build relationships. This approach yields benefits for adults, too, but the benefits for the young person are exponential.” – The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring

Search Institute’s 5 Key Elements of Developmental Relationships 

1. Express Care: Show me that I matter to you
2. Challenge Growth: Push me to keep getting better.
3. Provide Support: Help me complete tasks and achieve goals.
4. Share Power: Treat me with respect and give me a say
5. Expand possibilities: Connect me with people and places to broaden my world

Here are some key pointers from EBGTZ’s youth listening sessions, along with youth-led activities to consider while engaging with young people, including youth leaders.

Do: 

• Dedicate a consistent time to having 1:1 conversations with a specific youth. Everyone involved, whether youth participants or trusted adults, all have busy schedules. Both parties should carve out time solely for their meetings with little to no interruptions. 
• Respect their opinion and expertise. Youth have a lot of knowledge, especially when it comes to communicating with each other. Listen, understand, and help build them up to be great leaders. 
• Ask open-ended questions while trying to learn and have a conversation with youth. Closed-ended  questions can be very limiting in getting to know someone. Asking open-ended questions that have a follow-up can lead to an in-depth conversation and deeper connection. 
• Allow youth to set the direction/goals for the interaction. Trusted adults should let youth define the relationship (e.g., teacher/student, mentor/peer) whenever possible.
• Allow youth to lead and make decisions: adults are facilitators and youth are leaders. As mentors, it’s sometimes best to allow youth to make decisions and face the consequences, whether good or bad (except for dangerous or illegal activities).

Do Not: 

• Don’t be strict or rigid. Don’t set expectations unless initiated by youth. Don’t apply one youth’s development to another. Everyone grows at their own pace.
• Don’t patronize, belittle their ideas, or be controlling. 
• Don’t lie or sugarcoat things: be honest and authentic with youth. Most kids understand and just need a sense of direction, not for trusted adults to take over.

The organization ACT for Youth offers detailed activities that are youth-centered and are meant to be youth-led. It also breaks down instructions and explains them for teenagers and young adults to easily understand. Many of these skills (e.g., critical thinking, decision-making) are not taught to adolescents, and ACT for Youth’s activities offer an opportunity for them to teach themselves with proper guidance.  (A full list of activities is available on the ACT for Youth site. https://actforyouth.net/program-toolkit/yd-activities/sel/decision.cfm)